Scholarships for Dads

Dads, be a candidate to obtain one of the Governments new scholarships targeted to help dads of all types enhance their educational skills, known as “Scholarships for Dads.” If you are someone looking to get an education and looking for scholarships and grants to help you out, then you owe it to your self to check out here. Make your family proud of your renewed education efforts and pending degree while at the same time serve as a great role model for the young students at your home!

By applying to obtain one of these scholarships, you can go back to school to enhance your job skills and learn new information and get additional degrees which will make you a better-paid and more valuable employee. With out a doubt there are so many avenues to get scholarships and grant money to go to school.

Plan to take advantage of the Governments unique program targeted at giving dads the means and incentive to return to school. These ground-breaking scholarship programs seek to allow one motivated and qualified dad to obtain a scholarship or grant each month to be used to cover educational and living expenses at one of the more endless list of participating post-secondary schools.

This program is a landmark offering by the administration as it reinforces the administrations commitment to fostering the strength and viability of the nuclear family as a vital force in the United States. The program aims straight at remedying the diminished ability of dads to provide for their families in the current economy by taking steps toward enhancing their job skills and their value to their employers. This in turn makes the dad’s position with the employer a more valuable one and makes him less of a candidate for downsizing if the employer is destined to be forced to take drastic measures to reduce costs by cutting their workforce.

The Connection Between a Father’s Involvement During Pregnancy and the Health of the Child

Reported in the Journal of Community and Family Health, a study done by the University of South Florida exploring the connection between a father’s involvement during the pregnancy and the health of the child, especially as a newborn. Turns out that even though the woman is the one physically providing the means to grow this baby, even dad plays a significant role in the baby’s health during pregnancy.

The study found that babies born where the father wasn’t around during the pregnancy were actually of lower birth weight and more likely to have complications or even not survive. How can this be? Well, actually it makes perfect sense.

Less Stress, More Help

The mother’s stress levels affect the developing baby. This doesn’t mean that every pregnancy problem is caused by stress, but there is evidence that less stress reduces the risk of pregnancy complications. Furthermore, having the dad involved in the pregnancy provides the mother with better care. From him helping with dinner to assisting with her physical care, and everything in between, no doubt having a partner through pregnancy is healthiest for mom and the baby.

Daddy Long-Term

This is also important on a long-term basis. When a dad feels connected with his baby all through the pregnancy his bond with his child will be immediately strong. Especially since men are not physically connected with a baby (except via genes), it’s important for them to be connected in every way that they can otherwise.

A Man’s Purpose as Dad

A man knowing that his involvement in the pregnancy doesn’t just help the mother, but is essential for his baby’s health, can actually help him to feel a greater part of creating this new life. (Or it may scare him, so use this information accordingly.) Most men take on more responsibility willingly when they feel a greater purpose (and some ego stroking, men like credit for everything). When it goes from just “she’s pregnant and responsible for the health of this baby” to “she’s the one pregnant but we’re both responsible for this baby’s healthy development” his sense of duty becomes stronger.

Ask for “Daddy’s” Help

Women naturally have a hard time accepting help. A daddy-to-be wants to help but often doesn’t know how, is feeling overwhelmed with this new responsibility, and isn’t sure how to approach you while you’re hormonal. But if you tell him straight what would help you, most likely he’d be more than happy to help. Don’t be afraid to ask the father of your baby to help you and be involved. True, he will never understand what it’s like to be pregnant, but he doesn’t need to understand in order to be helpful. Not only will his gestures be beneficial to you, but also his involvement in the pregnancy is beneficial to the baby’s health overall.

Single Dads Deserve Praise and Legal Guidance During the Divorce Process

As Father’s Day is just around the corner, Alston & Baker, P.A. wants to give kudos to fathers who are raising their children solo and keeping the family happy and healthy. Dads can be fantastic providers and role models for their children. Yet oftentimes the stressors of a divorce can bring out the worst emotions and actions as the two adults untangle their lives. Parents should focus on what’s best for their children, not hatred of their ex.

“A divorce can have long-term negative effects on children if a parent isn’t mindful of how they speak with the ex and children,” said Zephyrhills divorce attorney Marcie Baker at Alston & Baker, P.A.

Kids should not be subjected to adults bickering, rehashing past wrongdoing, or finger pointing. Every moment that a parent is interacting with the ex should be viewed as a business-like transaction, especially if the child is nearby or within earshot. Being respectful, listening, problem solving, and focusing on the present can go a long way to keeping the household a positive environment for the children.

Parents should be careful to not make the children messengers to the other parent or detectives to ferret out information. Adults should resist the urge to make their kids carry out these actions as the consequences can be damaging. Likewise, all financial and legal matters are adult conversations that kids do not need to be involved in. When the kids have a concern about the other parent, they should be encouraged to speak about it directly with the other parent. Even though the parents are divorced, they should keep each other aware of any concerns the kids are raising when it is appropriate.
“Don’t forget about letting the kids and other parent be aware of any big changes that can happen as the years go by,” Baker said. “Changing jobs, moving, even new school schedules should be discussed openly so that everyone can prepare and modify their routine.”

Children benefit from having both parents in their life when possible and are reassured when there is positive communication and an open forum to discuss their feelings and reactions. This will help children remain the number one priority in the parenting agreement.

Zephyrhills divorce lawyer Marcie Baker has represented clients for more than eight years for all their family law concerns. She is well versed in parenting agreements, child and spousal support, child custody, enforcement, and divorce matters.

When a kid gets fat, is dad to blame?

 (CBS) Who’s to blame when kids are fat? Schools? The media? A new study suggests the blame should be directed elsewhere: dear old Dad

A study by Texas AgriLife Research showed that kids eat more fast food with their dads, and unhealthy meal choices contribute to childhood obesity.

“Dads who have no trouble eating food in a fast food restaurant are going to be more likely to have kids who do so,” Dr. Alex McIntosh, sociologist at AgriLife Research, said in a written statement.

The study – published in the May issue of “The Journal of Nutrition Education and Behavior” – was a 15-month look at how parents spend mealtimes with kids. The researchers also asked the children to record what they ate for each meal, and whether it was at home or out. The kids’ detailed diaries led researchers to discover that dad was more likely to take them out for fast food.

Moms, you’re not in the clear either. The study found workaholic and neglectful moms were also lax on their children’s food choices – but not as lax as dad.

Why would dad think taking his kid to a fast food joint is a great idea? Ironically, most dads think they’re doing a good thing.

“For a long time fathers have been told that they need to spend more time with their children. But often when this message is being transmitted, the message is ‘you should be having fun with your children,’” McIntosh said.

Eating at fast food restaurants is linked to childhood obesity. Studies show an average child who eats the stuff packs on an extra six pounds per year.

What should dads do?

McIntosh says fathers need to learn more about fast food’s nutritional content, and take responsibility for their kids nutrition. He says dads tend to let their kids choose where they want to eat more than moms.

“So basically all you really need is a dad who says, ‘no, I think we ought to eat someplace else and this is why,’” McIntosh said. “It’s about a father taking more of a responsible role when he’s parenting.”

The CDC has more on childhood obesity.

Read more: http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504763_162-20070583-10391704.html#ixzz1OzgEOw6u

The Fresh Air Fund is in need of 1200 loving host families.

If you or someone you know is able to host, please sign up now. In 2010, The Fresh Air Fund’s Volunteer Host Family program, called Friendly Town, gave close to 5,000 New York City boys and girls, ages six to 18, free summer experiences in the country and the suburbs. Volunteer host families shared their friendship and homes up to two weeks or more in 13 Northeastern states from Virginia to Maine and Canada.

Thanks to host families who open up their homes for a few weeks each summer, children growing up in New York City’s toughest neighborhoods have experienced the joys of Fresh Air experiences.

More than 65% of all children are reinvited to stay with their host family, year after year.

Fresh Air Fund Host Families

“It is rewarding to see the smile on our Fresh Air child’s face as she enjoys the simple things we take for granted…”

Friendly Town host families are volunteers who live in the suburbs or small town communities. Host families range in size, ethnicity and background, but share the desire to open their hearts and homes to give city children an experience they will
never forget. Hosts say the Fresh Air experience is as enriching for their own families, as it is for the inner-city children. There are no financial requirements for hosting a child. Volunteers may request the age-group and gender of the Fresh Air youngster
they would like to host. Stories about real Fresh Air host families and their New York City visitors are just a click away!

Honoring the Bonds of Our Children

One evening in a men’s divorce group, one of the men was commemorating the third year of his separation from his ex-wife. He reflected on the most difficult parts of the separation and divorce, and reiterated how relieved he was to be out of the marriage. He then made this comment: “In the beginning there are those little moments of grace when you think how mellow it is to be out of this hassle. No more arguments. No more impossible standoffs you know are futile. And then, maybe a couple months out of the house, you start to realize that as long as you live you’ll be a part of this family unit, by virtue of the fact of your children. For the first time in my life I know what they mean by that saying, blood is thicker than water.”

Keep Your Eyes on the Prize

“A friend recently shared with me an experience he’d had at his daughter’s wedding, 12 years after he and her mother divorced. Before the wedding, he and his ex-wife had spoken on the phone, promising each other that while they were both attending the wedding there would be no scenes between them. This was a time of celebration, not a time for opening old wounds. What surprised my friend, he said, was that when the band started playing at the reception, he had a profound yearning to dance with his ex. When he timidly walked up to her to ask, she smiled brightly and eagerly drew him out onto the dance floor. Later she said, “I was so afraid you wouldn’t ask me.” It was not anything like a reconciliation, he said, for they had both gone on with their lives and remarried. But clearly, they shared a bond through their daughter, and it felt good to acknowledge and celebrate it in this way. “I am so glad we were able to share this moment,” my friend told his former wife.”

In so many ways, divorce—at least when there are children of the marriage–is not ending a relationship but changing that relationship. Where children are concerned, Dad is still Dad and Mom is still Mom. There may be stepparents who at least partially take on those roles, and who your children may even come to call Dad, but the reality is that the bonds you share with your children do not go away. Keeping that in mind, look for ways to honor those bonds even as you are making plans to leave the marriage

This man’s clear perspective is a valuable insight for all of us—that where there are children involved, there is a bond that we will share with our kids’ moms forever. After the divorce, we’re still likely to be raising the children together with our former spouses, and this will take a collaborative effort, if we’re to do it right.

Realizing that children need their father, even though he might be living in another city, or even another country, is a sobering reality. And because they do need us, we may need to stay steady during periods of intense negotiation about visitation rights. We also need to do the work to create home environments where our kids not only feel comfortable but don’t feel in conflict about their other parent.

10 Not-So-Hard-and-Fast Rules for Managing Stress

Unless you’re the reincarnation of Superman, Gandhi, and Mother Teresa rolled into one, your divorce—and especially the period right after you and your wife separate—will feel overwhelming at times. You’re getting used to living alone in a new place. You might be working more than one job. Money problems are accumulating, your kids are acting up, you have some kind of conflict with your ex nearly every day, and your girlfriend just dumped you because she thought you were too melancholy. When my friend Jeff found himself in this place, two months after moving into an apartment on his own, he remarked, “I told myself, cheer up. Everything that could go wrong already has. What more could possibly happen? Guess what? The transmission went out on the used car I’d just bought for $3,500, and it cost me $2,200 to replace–which I had to put on a credit card.” Eventually things did turn around for Jeff and life settled down, but he seemed destined to hit bottom first. This may be your experience, too, or something very similar. If so, keep in mind that things really will get better—and that no matter how it feels sometimes, you aren’t alone.  Here’s 10 tips for managing stress.

1. Focus on things as they are right now instead of dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. Keep in mind that you cannot control either the past or the future. You can help to shape your future but only one small step at a time.

2. Take one thing at a time. You may be facing what seems like an infinite number of challenges at the moment—and they can all seem to roll into one huge mass that threatens to run right over you. Instead of lumping everything together, take one thing at a time. As the philosopher says, every great journey begins with a single step.

3. Ask for advice instead of complaining. In talking with close friends and relatives, try not to burden them with your complaints and troubles. Instead, ask for their advice—and listen to it.

4. Act on your decisions. Whenever you have come to a decision about a challenge you can actually do something about, act on it now and do so resolutely. Taking positive action builds confidence in your ability to have an impact on your future.

5. Keep yourself constructively occupied. Be with other people, especially in situations such as volunteer work or athletic events where you can enjoy immediate victories or accomplishments. Find activities where you feel useful and where there are fairly immediate personal rewards.

6. Practice forgiveness. Holding onto judgment and blame, even though you have been hurt, accomplishes nothing and only erodes your own mental health. Seek out books addressing anger and forgiveness, or seek spiritual guidance if you find yourself blaming others for your troubles.

7. Consciously relax. Seek ways to consciously relax for a period of at least 20 minutes each day. There are lots of ways to do this: learn to meditate or to use relaxation techniques that you can learn from a CD or book; take a walk in the woods; get a massage; sit and play or listen to music that you enjoy and find calming.

8. Establish a daily routine and stick to it. Create structure in your life, perhaps around meals or other routine events. It helps to foster a sense of security and continuity when life feels insecure and disjointed.

9. Unwind a few hours before you go to bed. Put a curfew on any thoughts about your troubles or their solutions. Put them out of mind after 8 p.m. If you wake up in the middle of the night, listen to a relaxation tape or soothing music instead of dwelling on problems.

10. Yield to crisis. It’s not always easy to recognize when we’re in crisis. When you feel overwhelmed or unable to know where to even begin to solve your problems, don’t cling to attitudes of “toughing it out.” Rather, admit to being overwhelmed and seek help from a counselor, therapist, or physician to give you a hand over this rough spot. Many men resist the idea. But a little intervention can go a long way, and especially if you’re not used to talking about your deep feelings, counseling can be a great way to learn emotional coping skills that will serve you for the rest of your life.

Basic Rules for Collaborative Divorce Co-Parenting

* Establish The 24 Hour Rule: Insist on 24 hours to think over any significant decision you’re faced with.

* Make Peace, Not War: Forget about proving who’s right, who’s wrong, and who betrayed whom. Put your kids’ first. You can’t fix the past but you can make the present and future better.

* Remember To Be Civil: Try hard to be nice and polite. Mutual respect goes a long ways toward creating peace. 

* Spare the Kids: Train yourself to never complain to the kids about their Mom. They should never have to make choices about their loyalties to you or your ex.

* Third Party Help: Recognize when you are stuck and seek professional help when you are.

* Create Clear Boundaries: Draw clear lines about how you want to be treated and accept nothing less than that.

* Don’t Try and Change Her: Some of our most serious arguments are around trying to change the other person. The party is over. It’s time to live and let live.

* Find Ways to Agree: Find things to agree on and constantly remind each other about these.

* Listen to Her Complaints without Defending Yourself: Learn to be a open-hearted listener. Even if she is complaining about you, listen without defending yourself, remembering that you do not have to agree with her view of you. Then give yourself time to consider your response.

* Let Her Have Her Way While Not Giving Up Yours: Search for ways that both of your needs or wishes can be satisfied. Sometimes this is possible by finding an alternative way of looking at the problem you seem to be stuck on.

* Ask For What You Want: Rather than being defensive or making her guess what you really want, practice saying and asking for exactly what you want. After putting out your requests, ask her to take 24 hours to get back to you with an answer.

* Don’t Burden the Kids with Your Pain: Never release your anger or frustration on the kids. From the children’s point of view they need the love of both parents.

* Switchover-Day Stress: It isn’t easy for kids to switch back and forth between your home and their mom’s. Yes, you’ll be called “Mom” instead of “Dad” sometimes. And the kids will forget whose house rules they’re supposed to follow. Be patient. And keep your sense of humor.

* Establish Ground Rules for Meetings: Meetings can be explosive, especially in the early days when tensions are high. When you must sit down to talk over difficult issues, go in with a clear agenda. Agree on special antidotes when tempers flare–leave the room to calm down, etc.

Divorced dad focuses on kids’ best interest

Years ago, Thanksgiving was the first holiday alone for author Paul Mandelstein, following a September split from his wife of 17 years. Their three kids, ages 8 to 14, were with their mother, and he felt down.

He’d gone into bookstores in search of advice for men in the same tough spot, only to be disappointed.

“There were walls of information for women,” he said, “but there seemed to me to be a real void about how to stay connected with your kids and create a collaborative relationship with your ex.”

Mandelstein had been in publishing and founded two companies. He started with self-help books and The Book Publishing Company in the early 1970s, then founded Quantum Publishing in the 1980s for books about telecommunications technologies.

With that background, he channeled that Thanksgiving gloom into action.

He sketched out an outline, tentatively called “Ex-Communication,” at the time. It became his first book, “Always Dad,” published in 2006, a tome on the emotions affecting divorced families.

“I wanted to start creating a collaborative relationship with my former wife,” he said.

He has now followed that book up with a second one, “Being a Great Divorced Father: Real-Life Advice From a Dad Who’s Been There,” (USA Today/Nolo Publications, 252 pages paperback, $19.99).

Written with balance, compassion, intelligence and the voice of experience, this book is made visually readable with graphs and charts presenting trends and percentages with pertinent information.

Among the areas its broad scope touches on are legal and custody issues, how to become the parent you wish to be, the roles of therapy and mediation, dating for the divorced dad, issues around young children to teens, and building a fruitful collaboration with an ex-wife with the future in mind.

The voice of experience is brought home even more with anecdotes culled from experiences with men’s groups, from fathers speaking on many issues touched on in the book.  Always it keeps a firm grounding, putting children first amid the emotional, financial and social realities faced by divorced fathers in today’s world.

“Studies have shown that kids are best served if they have equal access to both parents, if they feel they are coming from loving families,” he said. “The idea is to forget about yourself and your needs right now, and keep kids uppermost in your mind.”

Being a Great Divorced Father

“Even when you can’t save your marriage, Paul Mandelstein shows ways you can save your family and your self-esteem.” — John Gray, Ph.D author of Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus

Collaborate and Cooperate in divorce? Author Paul Mandelstein who pens his second father advice book “Being a Great Divorced Father” does just that — he guides men through the daily, real-life world life of divorce – in the spirit of collaboration and cooperation.  Unlike other divorced books on the market that focus on the psychological or the financial issues, “Being a Great Divorced Father” focuses on construction tactics to keep the children in their life while creating a healthy extended family environment — with the children and children’s mother. 

The book provides men with down to earth, practical advice on everyday experiences such as setting up house, handling holidays/birthdays and never underestimating overall life-stress during these times. “Being a Great Divorced Father” is published by Nolo in association with USA Today and is available at Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble, Hudson booksellers and other fine bookstores.

• Tips on creating—either unilaterally or with the participation of your children’s mother—an environment in which there is room to collaborate on issues involving your children, so they feel part of a loving and nurturing family
• Support and encouragement to be the best father you can be: present and accountable, loving and leading, competent and caring
• Step-by-step practical guidelines for dealing with day-to-day issues and stresses during and after divorce
• Strategies and solutions for collaborative parenting that honor the needs of all members of your extended family, creating common ground and making room for some healing to take place between you and your former spouse, and
• Ideas about how to minimize and deal with the feelings of abandonment and loss of self-esteem that people commonly experience during divorce.

contact: paul@father.com

Q & A: A Deadbeat Dad

Q. I know that most of your questions come from fathers, but I need help with my situation and am not sure how to handle it.  My ex-husband left our family before Christmas of 2009 for his new girl friend.  We have three beautiful little girls which he hardly sees.  We had been married for 7 years and had just moved into a new home when he moved out.  I was devastated.  But, my children have been the ones to suffer the most.  At first my ex got the children on regular visitation and I was trying to accept the new girlfriend.  With hopes that we might get back together, my ex and I were still intimate.  His new girl friend found out and now has told him that he is unable to communicate with me about the children and he is also not allowed to see them without the arrangements going through her.  To be honest, I am very shocked that he has let her come in between his relationship with his children. And I refuse to go through her about the children that I have with my- ex husband.  Do you have any words of advice to me about what I should do?  My children miss their father and ask about him daily.  I am unable to call him because he says it will cause problems for his new relationship.  A lot has happened for us this past year and I just don’t want to make any more wrong choices.  Your help would be greatly appreciated.

A. We do get questions from women, so you are not alone.  I agree with you about his clear abandonment of this children.  If he is letting his  new romantic interest come between his responsibilities as a father he truly is a deadbeat dad.

Have you officially divorced yet?  Does he pay child support or alimony?  Are you still hoping you will get back together?  If these issues are not resolved it makes it very confusing for him, the kids, and yourself to understand what’s expected of each other now and going forward.  After a year or more of separation it becomes pretty clear if you are going to reconcile or not.  Once one partner finds a new sexual and romantic relationship the chances of getting back together are pretty slim.  If you are protecting yourself or the kids from facing the tough challenges of divorce it’s time to let go and move on.  I recommend that you have as little communications with him as possible, until he starts to step up to his responsibility as a caring and accountable father, and as a respectful ex-husband.

Father Q&A

Q. I have a little son that will be 2 years at the end of this month. I am closely bonded with this little boy of mine.  I like to get home when ever I can so I can be with him and play with him.  However, the financial problem facing me is making me feel uncomfortable to look at him in the face. I’ve been out of work for more than 6 months, and nothing has materialized regardless of my educational background, which is quite good.

I’ve gotten interviews but none have resulted in a job yet. They say that I’m over qualified for the job because I have a Master degree and somebody with a lesser qualifications gets selected.   At this point all I want is a decent paying job that would enable me put food on the table for my little son that I love me so much.   Please tell me what I can do to continue to be a good father to my little son.  Thanks for your support in  advance. 

A. The best thing you can do for your son is to feel good about yourself while you struggle through this financial challenge.  You’re not alone.  Many people have lost their jobs in this tough and uncertain economy.  With such a tight job market its vital to stay upbeat and fit as you continue to plow ahead on landing your next job.

This can be a further bonding moment between you and your son.  You can show him by your example, that it’s not that we don’t get knocked down, it’s that we get back up.  And that no matter what your financial station in life you will always love him, never abandon him, and do your very best to care for him, no matter what.   Even if you cannot afford to do what you would like to do for him today you can still kick a soccer ball or read him a story.  If you teach him to persevere and to stay as upbeat as possible when things get tough you will be one very cool dad, he will always love you, and your self-esteem will be just fine.

Deployed Military Fathers Can Still be Great Parents

I was never in the military and don’t pretend to understand the stresses being a deployed father can have on the whole family, especially the kids.  The kids miss your compassionate mentoring and you miss seeing them and being part of their day to day activities, the joys and sometimes challenges that comes with being a parent.   Being in a war zone takes total attention and focus, however today’s military dads are finding ways to stay connected.

Elaine Willerton and her colleagues at Purdue University’s Military Family Research Institute are doing wonderful research about this. Through interviews with 71 fathers, Willerton heard just how much deployed dad’s think about their children and how much effort dads make to stay connected.  From the child’s point of view, that’s good news as anything that can be done to ease the burden of separation and maintain continuity of the parent-child attachment is going to help a child avoid feeling abandoned. It’s also going to make children feel that their dads are still in their lives, watching what they’re up to. Though deployed fathers can find it difficult to discipline their children (an often futile exercise when done from a distance), children who know that their fathers care are children that are more likely to keep behaving as they know they should.

Deployed dads told Willerton that they did lots of things to make sure their kids knew dad was thinking about them. They create a psychological presence even though their deployment often makes them miss many of their children’s important milestones, like birthdays and graduations. Even when at home, the intensity of the work they do can make it seem like dad is unavailable. Many fathers said they felt like their service is an enormous sacrifice leaving their kids thinking they can count on dad for absolutely nothing. It doesn’t have to be like that. Fathers who are deployed use lots of clever strategies to stay connected with their kids.   • They plan memories. They make sure that when they’re home they spend time with their kids, having special outings that leave memories behind. • They hold off-the-clock holidays. If dad always cooks the Thanksgiving turkey and he’s going to be deployed at that time then there’s nothing to stop the family holding Thanksgiving months earlier. It’s the same with a child’s birthday. It’s a great idea to hold a celebration while dad is still there. • Making memories has become much easier with digital cameras. Lots of dads take pictures while away to remind kids where dad is. • Skype calls, email, text messages, and live chat, are all great ways for dads to stay connected.

Are Dads the Key to Get Boys to Read?

A new report from publisher Scholastic affirms what many parents and teachers already know viscerally: As kids grow, they read less and spend more time going online and texting.

But the report also has some interesting details about the environment and actions that most encourage reading. Letting kids pick which books they read, having a range of books in the house and limiting access to technology all lead to more reading, according to the 2010 Kids & Family Reading Report. Nine out of ten kids, for example, say they are more likely to finish books they choose themselves.

The drop off in reading as kids grow is particularly pronounced for boys. At ages 6 to 8, 52% of boys and 59% of girls read books for fun five to seven days a week. By ages 15 to 17, only 17% of boys and 31% of girls do so. Meanwhile, technology use skyrockets. At ages 15 to 17, 49% of kids visit social networking sites five to seven days a week.

There has been much hand wringing over how to get boys to read more, with publishers releasing books with gross-out humor and video-game components. The study points to another potential tactic: Getting dads to read more. Not surprisingly, parents who read a lot have kids who do so, too. But 42% of dads surveyed read books less than one day a week, compared with only 22% of moms who read so little. “We need to get more role models of men reading,” said Francie Alexander, Scholastic’s chief academic officer. “Dads like gadgets, too, so maybe we can get them involved around an e-reader.” (Publishers have been developing new interactive digital children’s books that allow kids to, say, tickle a character, record their own voices reading or complete mazes.)

Homeschooling Fathers

“Children need more of their fathers and fathers need more of their children. Men have an extraordinary potential to realize in the lives of their kids, a potential that goes beyond narrowly defined gender roles that limit a father’s station in the family to that of “provider and disciplinarian.”As I consider my own life, and the lives of the homeschooling fathers that I know, many of us feel a yearning to be more involved with our children.

Unfortunately, circumstance and our own socialization often positions us on the fringe of both family life and the homeschool experience. We bring home the paychecks, take out the trash, fix things that break, and leave homeschooling to our wives.”

Continue reading Homeschooling Fathers by Gary Wyatt,  issue of Home Education Magazine.

Tips for Creating a Collaborative Divorce

In most cases, people divorce because they could not work out the conflicts they encountered in their lives together. Now that you’ve separated, you’re discovering that you are not off the hook. The fact is, as long as you have kids together, you and your ex are still going to have a relationship and some of the same issues you had when you were together around going to carry over. This is clearly a different relationship than you had before, there’s no doubt about that, but it’s a relationship nevertheless.

Here you are faced with having to coordinate responsibilities involving the kids—everything from signing them up for out of school activities to saving for a college education or other training they may be interested in. Some of these issues can be pretty highly charged, too, and the best way through them is to establish some ground rules ahead of time. That’s what collaborative divorce is all about.

Bear in mind that following these collaborative guidelines, alone or along with your ex-spouse, will make life easier for everyone involved. If you are the only one implementing them, have patience. In time, these practices will rub off on your ex–as well as your kids, by the way–as they all begin to reap the benefits.

I’m not promising that all of this will be easy. It might, in fact, be quite hard in the beginning. Have patience, give it time, and things will improve.

The 24 Hour Rule

There is usually a period of negotiation in any divorce, when both parties are working out what they need and what they can live with. The 24 Hour Rule is an easy way to avoid making impulsive mistakes. It’s simple: Any time you are faced with a decision, insist on taking 24 hours to think about it. When you know you have this cushion, it’s much easier to handle any emotions triggered by that proposition. Most issues around divorce are hot in the beginning, so having this cushion gives you assurance that you’ll have time to think things out and even do a little research. It’ll minimize the error of making agreements just to end the hassle, then regretting what you did later on. The 24 Hour Rule gives everyone an elegant and easy way out.

Fathers can Suffer from Postpartum Depression too

Postpartum depression isn’t just for mothers anymore.  In fact, new fathers have been experiencing elevated rates of depression for some time, according to a study published online Monday in Archives of Pediatrics and Adolescent Medicine.A team of British researchers scoured the medical records of nearly 87,000 couples in the U.K. who had a baby between 1993 and 2007. They identified parents who got prescriptions for antidepressant medications or received a diagnosis of depression.

Overall, they found that the rate of depression for mothers was nearly 14 cases per 100 person-years in the first 12 months after a baby was born. That rate dropped to about 6 cases per 100 person-years in the second year and continued to decline slightly over the next decade.

For fathers, the rate of depression in the first year was 3.56 cases per 100 person-years. It then fluctuated between 1.95 and 2.72 cases per 100 person-years until their kids became teenagers.

The researchers also found that more men became vulnerable to depression as the years passed. At the beginning of the study in 1993, the rate of depression for fathers was 1.61 cases per 100 person-years. By 2007, that figure was up to 2.87 cases per 100 person-years.

But on the whole, moms were still more depressed than dads – 39% of mothers experienced at least one episode of depression during the first 12 years of a child’s life, compared with 21% of fathers.

The Intimate Journey of Home Births

Discovering you or your beloved is pregnant will be one of the most memorable moments of your life. Through the hustle and bustle of school, work and our daily schedules, the anticipated arrival of a baby instantly takes center stage for parents, family and friends alike.

Science, medicine and technology have merged to help expecting parents give their baby the best chance of arriving safe and healthy to the embrace of loving hearts and eager hands. Along with those advances have come more options for expectant parents to connect with their unborn child, contribute to his or her healthy development during the stages of pregnancy, and choose from a variety of intimate options for the miracle of birth.

Couples are also increasingly recognizing that the period of pregnancy is a time to invest in their relationship with each other, knowing that their ability to model love and intimacy and create a secure, stable, healthy family will be the most enduring gift they bring to the life of their child. Much like planning a wedding, bringing a baby into this world offers couples the chance to connect, collaborate, and negotiate through an ambitious shared experience.

While plenty of hospitals are marketing more personal birthing options, many expectant parents are forgoing the sterile tradition of hi-tech hospital surgical suites for home births.

A New Chapter Begins

For both men and women, pregnancy begins a new chapter in their lives. Beyond lessons in nutrition, breathing and other relaxation techniques, the months of expectation are a time for couples to hone their skills in communication, understanding emotions, and working through differences.

“Before, during and after a healthy delivery, a couple’s relationship with each other becomes the foundation of a child’s life,” says Seth Eisenberg, who trains counselors, clergy and educators nationwide to lead PAIRS relationship and marriage education classes for couples and singles in all stages of relationship.

Our Teenagers, Our Selves

Being a teenager in today’s world isn’t easy. Being the father of one isn’t, either. In fact, many dads concede that raising a teenager is one of the most complicated and challenging experiences they’ve ever faced.

In the teen years, kids are learning how to handle changing roles, moods, and physiology. At one moment, they are testing limits and experimenting with independence. The next, they are seeking closeness and reassurance from their parents that they are still valued members of the family. Teens can also experience great loneliness, and at the same time intense peer pressure to embrace new personal relationships. In the midst of all that, fathers have to learn how to manage and nurture their changing son or daughter.

In his book Live-Away Dads: Staying a Part of Your Children’s Lives When They Aren’t a Part of Your Home (Pengiun), William C. Klatte points out that children with little or no contact with their fathers are more likely to drop out of school and become involved in drug and alcohol abuse; girls are more likely to become pregnant as teens, and boys are more likely to become involved in crime and violence. If you weren’t already concerned about it, these facts should alert you to the importance of being present in your kids’ lives. Here are concrete steps you can take to stay connected to your kids during the teen years.

*  Participate in what your teens are doing at school and outside of school. This includes helping with homework, keeping in contact with their teachers, watching or playing sports together, taking them to see movies or plays that they’ll enjoy, planning a camping trip, or simply eating out.

*  Be available when your kids want to talk.   Whether they want to chat about the good, the bad, the sad, the bewildering, or even the mundane, don’t say ”in just a minute,” or ”not right now.” Often listening carefully to the emotional content of your kid’s questions and trying to link it to something you’ve felt is the best way to connect. Then you might tell them, ”I only know what I do when I feel the way you’re describing.” And then tell them a truth about yourself. At the very least, they will understand they are not alone in what they feel, and often that brings the only comfort they need.

*  Regularly ask your children about their lives and their friends. Know what fashions, music, television, and movies interest them. As they get older and begin thinking about such things, ask them about their hopes and dreams for the future, and what they’d like to see changed in the world.

*  Share stories.  Foster your teenagers’ courage, integrity, leadership, curiosity, and concern by sharing stories of how you or others have overcome challenges, pursued areas of knowledge that were difficult, or given of yourself to help others. Teach them the joys of succeeding but also support them when they fail, letting them know that both are part of life.

*  Be consistent, involved, aware, stable, and nurturing.   Show up and show interest in what your kids are doing regularly, not just on special occasions.

*  Avoid put-downs, judgmental tones of voice, and unfair generalizations that show you’re simply not listening. Be gentle and non-reactive when you’re talking with your kids, and remember that they take in everything you say―not just about them but about the world around you.

* Respond to your teen’s frustrating behavior by taking positive action, and keep an even temper.   Always look for the win-win solution.

*  Crack the code. Part of being a teenager is having a peer-centered language. You may, at times, feel your teens are talking in code. And you’ll probably be right! Committing the time to learn the language will be a relationship-builder. You do this by listening to their words when they are talking with their peers, by listening to their music, and by asking teachers or other parents the meaning of words or phrases you don’t understand.

Working Dads: Hidden Heroes in the New Fatherhood Movement

My bet is that the dads who are going to make or break involved fatherhood are: working dads.

Why working dads? The media doesn’t hark much on them. They are not who we necessarily associate with the phrase: “involved dad.” For all intents and purposes this vast majority of dads are mostly invisible, going about their business, working hard to support their families as they’ve been brought up to do. So, how can these guys be pushing the envelope when it comes to fatherhood? Because something is fundamentally changing them as a group — something that will ultimately reshape the role of fatherhood and parenting in general if it’s allowed to grow. Let me explain.

After speaking with dozens of working dads and fatherhood experts, one thing is blazingly clear: working dads of today are feeling the stress of work/family balance in ways that previous generations never experienced. I think this is being caused by a number of things.

First, there’s been a shift in how we see fatherhood in general. As opposed to 30 years ago, it’s now mostly frowned upon to be a father who refuses to change diapers or who won’t take a more active role in his kid’s lives. Second, these changes have been caused as a response to more women being in the workplace over the past 30 years. With a lot of moms working the same hours as their husbands, the expectations on dads to handle kids and housework have increased.

Third, a lot of dads do not want to be absent like their own fathers were to them. Lastly, one of the upshots of our current economic climate is that many more dads than moms have been laid off and so are taking on the role of primary childcare. The culmination of all of these things is that many of the new dads of today have been given a taste of how rewarding it can be to involve themselves at home.

Dana H. Glazer is the award-winning director of the feature documentary, The Evolution of Dad. To learn more about the project, please visit www.evolutionofdad.com 

When Divorcing leave the Lawyer Stuff for Later if You Can

When they first split up, many people believe they must immediately seek out an attorney and file for divorce. For some people, starting the legal process is the way to reduce the confusing feelings and feel some relief. For others, it’s necessary to file right away because of support or custody issues. But it’s not necessary for everyone. Here are some factors to consider. 

• If you have young children and you and your spouse can’t agree about how you will divide time with them or pay for their support, you’ll need to get some temporary orders from a court right away. This requires that one of you file the papers to start the divorce.
• If you can’t agree who will move out of the home, you’ll also have to get a court to decide that, meaning that someone will have to file papers.
• If you can agree on who moves out, an amount of temporary support, and how you will share time with the kids, then you can hold off on starting the legal proceedings.
• If you have reasons to stay legally married, such as wanting to keep insurance in force for your wife and kids as long as possible, you can also wait to file until some time has passed.
• Your divorce won’t be final for quite a while after it’s filed. States have different rules on this but in most states, there’s a waiting period of 6 to 12 months. So if you have some reason to want the divorce to be finalized promptly — such as that you want to get married again — you’ll need to file soon.

It’s definitely true that while you and your soon-to-be ex are still volatile emotionally — which is normal — you should not be trying to make any big decisions. Wait until you start to feel more solid. If you can hold off on filing for a while, fine. But no matter what, consider getting an hour’s consultation with an attorney so that you can ask whatever questions you have. Here’s a brief list of things you may want to know right away:

Fatherhood, not marriage, is focus of Obama family policies

‘Good fatherhood’ initiatives are at the center of President Obama’s family and welfare policies. It is a different approach than the Bush administration, which focused more on promoting marriage.

Indeed, the Obama administration’s approach to welfare policy and family funds gives much attention to fatherhood-oriented programs,  but it hasn’t been this way for long: The fatherhood emphasis may represent a shift from the Bush administration, which favored marriage programs. Supporters of marriage education are worried.

“The marriage-education movement is not against fatherhood programs, but we are against fatherhood programs being launched at the expense of marriage and relationship programs,” says Chris Gersten, a former Bush administration official.

The apparent shift from a marriage to a fatherhood emphasis can be seen in the funding philosophies of the two administrations.

The Bush administration’s family funding included dedicated line items in the budget – $100 million a year for marriage and $50 million annually for fatherhood. President Obama’s new fund, which has yet to be approved by Congress, takes a different tack: It splits $500 million into two equal pieces that states deliver to local organizations. One piece is for “comprehensive responsible fatherhood programs – including those with a marriage component,” and the other is to improve the lives of children by helping their parents get jobs.

To be sure, the Obama administration believes that marriage is important, says Jesse Moore, a spokesman for the Administration for Children and Families, the agency within the Department of Health and Human Services that will administer the new fund. But at the same time, the fund reflects the fact that “children live in a wide range of family structures and there are many different ways that fathers can engage in the lives of their children,” he says.

Fatherhood, not marriage, is focus of Obama family policies – CSMonitor.com.

Study: Same-sex couples can thrive as adoptive parents

A groundbreaking study by researchers at the University of Virginia and George Washington University finds that children adopted by lesbian and gay male couples develop just as well as those adopted by heterosexual parents.

The findings, published in the August issue of the journal Applied Developmental Science, are important because of the debate surrounding gay parenting. Same-sex couples are barred from adopting children in Florida, Mississippi and Utah. A similar case is in the Arkansas courts.

All this is rooted in “the deeply entrenched belief that children need one male and one female parent for optimal development,” the authors write. Numerous studies have affirmed the parenting skills of lesbian parents — less is known about the capabilities of gay male parents — but the studies have been criticized for using self-reported data or for lacking comparison groups of heterosexual couples.

There are no such deficiencies in the current study, titled “Parenting and Child Development in Adoptive Families: Does Parental Sexual Orientation Matter?” It was penned by U-Va. researchers Rachel Farr and Charlotte Patterson and GWU scholar Stephen Forssell.

They studied the development of preschool-age children adopted at birth by 27 lesbian couples, 29 gay male couples and 50 heterosexual couples, most in the D.C. and Mid-Atlantic region. The researchers gathered data on child development from parents, teachers and care-givers. Their hypothesis: The development of both child and adult would hinge more on each couple’s parenting abilities — stress, cooperation, laundry skills — than on their sexual orientation.

And that is what they found. Same-sex parents, and their adoptive children, fared just as well as heterosexual families. It’s worth noting that this study apparently represents the first time that independent reports from teachers on children’s development and behavior have been considered alongside the self-reported data from the parents themselves.

Money, Money, Money, Money

Money is a major issue in most divorces — just as it is in most marriages. If you’re a two-income family, the burden will be a bit easier to handle because in most cases, you’ll be sharing the expenses. If you are the main breadwinner, you’ll have to start supporting two households — yours and hers. Clearly, this can be a major financial burden, one that may necessitate some big changes in your lifestyle. This alone may stir up feelings of frustration, anxiety, and anger.

This is the point at which many men withdraw because they feel overwhelmed by their feelings and by the changes in their family structure. Some even abandon their fathering responsibilities. As much as it might seem that you need to cut and run, hang on. Don’t bail out on your responsibilities to your family. Sure, you’re going to have to do some belt-tightening. And, yes, you may feel resentful if your ex stays in the house and gets to spend more time with the kids and it seems that she has a much nicer life that you have to pay for. Just keep in mind that the home she’s living in is also providing shelter and security for your children; the sacrifices you’re going to be making are for their benefit. It’s also statistically true that for many women, divorce is financially disastrous. Your spouse is probably panicked about how she is going to afford to live and help to support the kids in the long run. The big house may feel more like a burden than a blessing at this transition point. And she’s just as emotionally raw as you are about the divorce and the money issues involved. So try to cut her a break wherever you can.

Financial worries can be frightening and distracting. But once again, you’ll need to remind yourself to keep your kids on the top of your priority list. Be available to them emotionally. Show up for them a hundred percent.



Helping your baby speak better

Speech development in babies is a complex and gradual process that continues even after the infant has actually spoken his or her first words.   You can accelerate your  baby’s speaking abilities by introducing some simple exercises in its playtime.   Here are some interesting exercises that could help your baby speak better:

• Imitate the sound that your baby makes and wait for response: This activity will encourage it to respond to a sound or speech by another sound.

• Encourage your baby to make sounds while doing some action: As an example, you may make your baby touch its hair, while you emphasize the word “hair.” You may then make the baby repeat the action and try to imitate the word “hair.” Babies will quickly learn that a sound can denote a particular action.

• Talk as much as you can to your baby: Anything that you say will be quickly registered in your baby’s curious mind and in due course of time, it will be using those same words to speak out its desires. Avoid speaking constantly in baby talk.

• Sing melodious songs to your baby: Develop a love for music in your child. Songs enable babies to appreciate the soothing power of words and speech.

• Act out gestures in front of your baby as often as you can: This will encourage your baby to appreciate the power of actions combined with words. Whenever possible, your baby will tend to copy you, which would improve your baby’s speaking skills.